Bonehead…as if!


Okay, so I’m totally – like – jammin’ on my two tone Phildar zippie and – like – I just breezed through the left front piece.  And I’m – like – thinkin’, "dude, you totally rock!"

And then – like – I looked at the picture of the sweater in the Phildar magazine and was – like – OH MY GOD!

My ENTIRE left front piece was – like – TWEED!  How will the totally cool overlay part work if it’s all the same fBonehead2*ckin’ yarn?  Doesn’t there need to be some uh – like – contrast?  I mean, I’ve got a whole freakin’ bag of solid gray yarn with nothing to do except stuff them in my bra and be Pamela freakin Anderson for Halloween.

Bonehead3So I was – like – THINK!  And I totally studied the directions again and there is was in English and uh, French…knit 3" of ribbing in doubled B and change to A.  Well – like – f*ck me!  My fetchin’ lil sweater will now have to be ripped back to the beginning.  M-fer.  I am SO TOTALLY – like – bummed!

But – like – what could I do?  Be a big LOSER and – like – pretend Bonehead4you don’t see it like a big ol zit on your forehead?  Or just totally take a moment and honor my knitting in a friendship circle and then rip the shit out of it?  You can totally see what I did.  Here’s – like – what I’ve got now and I’m totally texting all my friends about my tragedy during the L&O SVU season premiere last night.  Dude!

As an aside to those who may have been reading along and deducing that I’ve lost my mind, a new middle school has just opened a few blocks from the house.  My morning commute coincides with the mothers in SUVs and their precious hoochies and gangsta rappas wending their way to middle school.  My peaceful 10 minute drive to work now requires me to dodge disgusting ginormo behemoth SUVs with one whole passenger and gaggles of school girls dressed in such a way as to attract the attentions of local perves.  Today I decided that I couldn’t beat them, so I would try to join them.  I can’t in good conscience wear a miniskirt just covering my bits out in public, so I thought I’d adopt the vernacular today.  I don’t think it’s -like -working…


11 responses

  1. This whole entire entry just CRACKED ME UP. Dude…you, like, totally got to rip that mofo OUT and start over. The contrast would be, like, so totally rockin’, you know?

  2. Bonehead? Done that. Not gonna say like they tell you to swatch and read pattern before starting when you’re aching to get started but do it anyway.
    As per new schools in neighborhood, when I still lived in a house, it was nice for a few years then when a new school opened – it’s a road race like twice a day (Did anyone check gas prices lately? I saw plenty of huge SUVs rumbling down my then quiet neighborhood). Hang in there.

  3. You forgot the part where you stalk off in a huff, and cry, then flip open your cell phone and call a friend to say how unfair your life is. 🙂 Six years teaching in an all girl’s environment,baby!

  4. My favorite, which takes place in almost every driveway in my town, is when the mother DRIVES her child TO THE END OF THEIR DRIVEWAY, where they sit together in the ginormous SUV to wait for the school bus. Even in nice weather. And we are talking about perfectly ordinary driveways.

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